Good day sunshine

Stress and the city

gooddaysunshine — Thu, 15 May 2008 07:14:18 +0000

I have hit the peak. Complete misery has taken over the system..choking me. All the stress I’ve been taking over the past two months have now culminated..what with the appraisals happening at work and the exam in less than a month. The Hong Kong trip too is proving to be this major pain, because so much has to be done before it. I am shocked at the way I’ve allowed these things to affect me so much. I need to rethink my way of living…really need to introspect.

I came home and cried my guts out last night after an appraisal. Its funny aint it that you spend 12-13 hours each day at work, work weekends and all to be flippantly told it is only expected and the quality of work isnt what I am capable of. Isnt it funny that the fact that I did really well last year is what is coming to bite me in the ass? I am told that I’m doing well but not as well as what was expected of me. Another girl was told that we’re only spending time like “labour” and no value add is there..wtf…what is it that they’re expecting. I’m thoroughly disillusioned.

I’m really sorry KT for upsetting you…was really unfair of me to pass on my personal troubles on to you…but yesterday was a real tipping point…I’ve never been subject to this before…my efforts being belittled. Sorry.

One thing that I am taking away from all of this is that I really need to toughen up…I’ve always thought I was one tough cookie…but yeah perhaps some more toughening up has to happen…its really not in my nature to fight back. Heard that others had one hour fights with the managers..don’t you think maintaining that dignified silence at times might just prove that you are classier..I really don’t know. Anyway…I am not going to stick around in office till 11 30 - 12 anymore. I do that and get only the minimum rating…I might as well leave early and get the rating right?

In any case this isnt the final verdict..the big boss is yet to pass his glorious judgements on the matter…so let me see how this pans out. But I really need to stop taking myself so seriously. In the five years that I’ve worked I’ve never heard such critisism or treated so flippantly..I guess I will learn how to handle this..and also not to invest so much emotionally into my work..need to take that chill pill..

I had actually resolved not to blog till the exam…but this post had to be written…My guess is that June will be a better month than May is turning out to be…

So I say Thank you for the music…

gooddaysunshine — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:21:40 +0000

..Tag from Chandni!…And Silvara as well!!

Rules of the tag: Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song ( or a couple) that aptly describe those situations in YOUR life.

Ready? Here we go…

Opening credits:

Waking up: Good Day Sunshine, The Beatles

Average day: Manic Monday, The Bangles

First date: Good vibrations, Beach Boys

Falling in love: Pehla Nasha, Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander, She’s always a woman to me, Billy Joel…was my fantasy to dance with my man and have him sing this to me!!

Love Scene: Annie’s song, John Denver, Kiss Me, Sixpence none the richer

Fight Scene: Jeez I just cant come up with anything!!!

Breaking up: Yesterday, The Beatles, Killing Me Softly, Roberta Flack

Getting back together: We can work it out, The Beatles

Secret love: Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

Life’s ok: Lemon tree, Fools Garden

Mental Breakdown: Chiquiita, Abba

Driving: Dil Chahta Hai, Road Tripping, Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Learning a lesson: Ironic, Alanis Morissette

Deep thought: Vincent, Don Mclean…you know the way the song ends??

“They would not listen; they’re not listening still–
Perhaps they never will”

Flashback: I don’t know the name of the song…anyone reading this, if you happen to figure it out do tell!! Here is the way the song begins:

“I remember the house where we used to live

It’s a piece of shell on my window sill

Catching the light, light of a brand new day.

Partying:Twist and Shout, The Beatles

Happy Dance: La Bamba, Ritchie Valens

Regretting: Six Feet From the Edge, Creed

Long night alone: Leaving on a jet plane, John Denver, Sounds of Silence, Simon and Garfunkel

Death Scene: Everybody Hurts, REM, Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton

Closing Credits: The Ecstasy of Gold, Metallica

That was fun! Now I tag

Suki

The Rambler

Silent One In London

and anyone else who wants to do this…trust me this is fun!!

Bye for now..

gooddaysunshine — Sun, 04 May 2008 16:57:08 +0000

There is an orphanage right next to my apartment, now this is a big bungalow that houses girl children who have been orphaned or belong to very poor families that can’t afford to keep these girls..brings back memories of The Kite Runner, but the impression I got is that the girls are reasonably happy..as happy as these circumstances will allow.

Run by nuns, the home provides these girls with good shelter and food and stability that must be lacking in their homes. There is a corporation school nearby and I’ve seen the girls in that uniform. I’ve noticed an easy camaraderie between these girls, the older ones help the younger girls comb their hair, at studies. Once one of the girls received an electric shock and the whole house panicked and ran to the girl, she was fine, but I was touched with the concern that everyone seemed to have, it was not that everyone ran out of curiosity or to gawk, but the worry came through..Every now and then they’d have visitors, people celebrating their birthdays, New Year, Christmas..bringing these girls food, cake and other goodies. Diwali brought them exceptional pleasure and they went berserk bursting crackers.

Once a girl was taken away by her parents and she cried her heart out..and she begged them to leave her behind..it was heart rending, watching them cry and the child cry. I was left with this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and I really hoped she was safe, I don’t know why but I was left hoping that these parents were going to be good to the kid, was she going to be taken off school to work or beg or worse..Or were they genuinely missing the child and had come to take her away and was the girl crying because she was going to miss the relative comforts of the home, her friends…

I think of that little spunky girl with short hair and her knee length pavadai. The one who received a burn while bursting crackers. The one who’s forever running around, climbing the roof and always in a flurry of activity. The one who I took one look at and asked myself, if I were to adopt a girl like her would I be able to love her like she was my own. The one who convinced me that I could.

And oh they also had this cage with little birds…creating a non stop din. Waking up in the middle of the night you could hear them, why at any point in the day you could.

KT’s ma has gone down there and chatted with the nuns and the girls..I’ve never done that, I really don’t know why

Well they moved today. Bundled out all their belongings, the girls, the birds and have moved. Turns out that the bungalow is going to be torn down and a new bigger multi storeyed building built in its place…to accomodate more girls, a prayer hall and the works. I can’t help but say a prayer thanking that good soul who left this bungalow to the charitable trust..instead of selling it out to some developer, this in a prime area as well. They’ve moved to a temporary place where they will stay till such time this construction is completed.

Yet I feel oddly filled with emotion, the air is silent now. No sound of the girls chattering, running around, saying their prayers, no birds creating a din. The lights are out and all I can see is the dim outline of the building and the trees. Oddly the bird cage is still here. KT looks at his foolish wife and pats her head and says they will be back soon. For me it cannot be sooner. Till then I can live in the belief that they are indeed in good hands and that they will be safe.

Meet the Veeps

gooddaysunshine — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:15:16 +0000

This one’s for you baby!

I can’t think of a more deserving person than you! Congratulations on the promotion!! You know what is most remarkable about you? You really redefine inititative! Look at where you started off from and look at where you are!! I’ve never come across a second individual who decides what his/her role in the organisation is going to be..everyone just sticks to a given script and cribs when they realise that that’s not what they want to be doing…not you! You just start doing your own thing and stun the people around you making them wonder why they didnt think of it in the first place!

More power to you baby..here’s hoping all your wonderful dreams come true..I’m by your side…Love ya

What I’ve been upto

gooddaysunshine — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 13:49:53 +0000

Working

Studying (or rather trying to)

Working

err..did I say working?

Having headaches

Trying to grab 10 minutes with my parents / grandma

Watching cricket (Oh I went and watched a match live)

And that means no time to blog…its going to be like this for another month at least. Got a couple of must write posts and a tag to complete…Life is pretty much a big working mess…and oh there’s a Hong Kong trip coming up before my exam as well…so I really need to make some ground with regard to my studying else I’m going to lose loads of money..Even making rotis every morning seems like a drag on my time…so sadly the blog has been neglected…I am simply not able to cope with the demands on my time…think I need 48 hour days ….or I just need to curl up and go to sleep for like ever.

Ken Lee

gooddaysunshine — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:31:52 +0000

Go see this…please do…My stomach aches still from laughing. Go NOW!!

And read this on Wiki…isnt there a limit to what reaches wiki??!!!

Sigh!

gooddaysunshine — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 12:44:40 +0000

What I would mostly like to do now is:

- Chuck the laptop and the five assignments that are looming

- Tear up those nasty CFA material looking crisp and untouched on my side table

- Throw away worries of ratings, bonuses, promotions into the air

- Ditch all my cares and worries

- Get rid of that mild incessant headache

…and float away somewhere far away…a little village somewhere…a mountain top…an island far far away..to breathe in the fresh air and not feel closeted with the whole world closing in..I want to dream and not worry about deadlines and things to do…I want to tear up that “To Do” list..read a book, sip a cold drink (Is it the heat I wonder?), listen to some soft music..My eyes hurt from staring at a screen or a book continuously (eye check up due?). Or is it the head? I think mostly that a break is due.

Crazy little thing called life…and love

gooddaysunshine — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 13:36:03 +0000

I nearly died when I was a six month old baby.

I was supposed to move to Zambia as a five year old, visas were done, the packing had begun..then my dad fell ill and came back to India because of lack of medical facilites which caused my parents to rethink our plans.

We moved from Madras to small town in Tamil Nadu, to settle down there forever, came back to Madras because of a whole host of circumstances

I never really made up my mind about whether I should choose to opt for the Science stream or Commerce in Class 11. Was to join a new school and opted for the Science stream because its much easier to move from Science to Commerce if I wanted to. Thought I screwed up my Physics board exam and that decided it, applied for the change and got it. When the results came out and there were long lines of students begging to be admitted into the Science stream the principal asked if I wanted to move back to Science..on a whim I decided not to.

The top most thing on my mind during college careerwise was to get an MBA from on of the top B schools. Out coaching faculty picked me out as one of the bright chances and I was given extra coaching much to the annoyance of my friends, but I don’t think I screwed up any exam as much as I screwed up CAT

As part of my CA back up plan I’d wanted desperately to join Arthur Anderson for my internship..only that would come anywhere close to not getting through an MBA..the unthinkable happened and the firm went bust.

Mired in a whole bunch of problems at home, I settled for the next best alternative and began plodding at my CA…asking the forces why everything was going wrong for me.

Had I died, well that would have been the end.

Had I moved to Zambia maybe life would have turned out a whole lot more different and better, all the nasty things that happened may not have.

Had I chosen to do Science like all my friends, I’d have completed my engineering and started a job by the time I had just about started my CA..

Had I gotten through CAT, well my life would have been made and I wouldn’t have suffered such a blow to my already fragile ego.

And hey what were the odds that a huge huge giant like Anderson would tank? Just like that? Well I had set my heart on it hadn’t I?

And then in that absolutely unlikely place that I had landed up in considering the turns my life could have taken I met you. Making the whole journey more than worth it.

100 Not out!

gooddaysunshine — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 07:41:04 +0000

Can you believe I’ve made it to a hundred posts!?? This little tentative step that I started out late in September of 2007 has now grown into a fairly big obsession for me. I’ve loved the journey so far…it is so cathartic sometimes to just pour your heart out when words fail you conversationally.

Blogs and blogging was never really on my radar till around the beginning of January 2007…I mean I knew they existed, I knew about the whole blogging IIPM controversy, the blacking out of blogs by the Government and all that, but somehow I never read a single one let alone writing one. Then a colleague of mine sent me something written by Amit Varma and I really liked what he’d written and when were were talking about it, he told me that that was a blog and was wondering given the amount I read how I never read blogs? I hadnt even realised it was a blog, assumed it to be a piece of journalistic writing somewhere, then Amit became a daily fix for me..even then I hadnt moved on to other blogs..then one day Amit had linked up to one of Neha’s poems and bang that was enough to open the can of worms for me! Came across comments, blogrolls and got hooked on to so many blogs…went through archives and was simply amazed that every little person in the world can actually speak out if not to the whole world to a small audience!! Given my love for the written word it was only inevitable that I started writing my own blog, tentatively commenting at other people’s spaces…and then I started receiving comments on my blog, other than KT (who was of course coerced into commenting)! I was thoroughly zapped to find people reading my blog, consider this, my blog is neither one of those riot acts, the serious ones with witty lines on economics, politics or people’s world view (though I toyed with making my blog one of those!), I’m not even one of those “fast” types with plenty of sexcapades to regale an audience with, no short stories or fables, no cute baby stories nothing. I am married, work hard at my job, do fun things when the time permits and by fun things I mean going on holidays, catching a movie and other blah stuff! This was just about my life..which at its rocking best is mundane….and can get dead boring very often…I mean I still don’t get what makes people come back here!! I know there are tons of “return visits” where people get obliged to comment thanks to my incessant commenting on their way more exciting lives, but for sure there are people who come to read me!!

I digress, but there is something I simply have to say at this point…I read loads of blogs, and I comment on many and would like to comment on many more…but I don’t. Now lack of time is not the excuse, I can spend 3 or 4 minutes reading a post, surely I can devote another couple of minutes in commenting…the thing is I do this more out of the office…and gmail and blogger are blocked out…with blogger its a little wierd, I can view the blog, but cannot comment. So I’m really sorry to a bunch of people that I read, I do try and leave a comment when I’m reading out of home, but it really isnt too frequent..but I read you regularly!!

Well now that that’s done, I find that I’ve become a much more social person, this kind of interaction is rarely there in the real life for me…no body knows the real me..here my soul is bared, I write what I feel, I don’t bother being politically correct, I need not couch my thoughts in more palatable language. So that kind of gives me the opportunity to understand myself that much more….I get feed back, criticism, support from people who are far removed from me in the real life..so they don’t bother being polictically correct as well..this is open honest communication at its best and for the first time in my life I am experiencing this (outside of KT of course with him though I always feel an element of bias creeps in and we tend to rationalise our actions when that happens).

Alright now I’m going to ask you to do something…well if you do this and make a wish it will be granted immediately, and if you don’t severe bad luck will be upon you and you will lose your love, money, happiness and everything that you hold dear and wait….the bad luck will haunt seven generations to come.

Now that you’re sufficiently scared, please leave a comment…and let me know where you’re from and what exactly it is that makes you come back here…I know its not like I get a thousand hits but even this has overwhelmed me…I see these dots that grow bigger in China and so many other places..now indulge me (or influenced by the threat)…go on don’t let me down!!

Happy 100 th post dear blog!

Cult classics!

gooddaysunshine — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:16:33 +0000

Worked under high pressure conditions to send off a deliverable and then finally got a chance to breathe…wanted to listen to some music and the first song that came to my mind was this!

Pliss to enjay and hey am going to take a poll here…what is your favourite…all time favourite friends moment?? Please do leave in your comments…oh and did I tell you I have the whole set…all seasons on dvd??!!