Broken verses…

That’s the book I’m reading…is there any job in this whole wide world that involves reading all day..?

The happiest times at work was during my Industrial Training when I had finished my exams and had a month of training to kill…I had no work whatsoever and spent the entire day reading books I had downloaded from!!! It was pure bliss…I read sooo much that I cannot remember now what I had actually read!! I should have followed my passion and studied Literature I think!! Now my brain is so conditioned that Finance is my passion..but who am I kidding really?? I sometimes wonder what kind of a person I would have become had the circumstances of my life been different…what if I had known stability in my younger years….would I have been this ambitious, career oriented, fiercely competitive, money making girl or would I have turned out differently..I will never know…the way I am is in my skin now…I have known no other way….

Would I have turned out differently if I had not picked up the phone one afternoon had I not heard that nasty voice on the phone asking me to get my dad to pay up or else they would send goons to my house to create a scene…would I have turned  out differently if I didnt have to convince my dad to sell off my chain to pay off the nasty man on the phone, not knowing that that debt was but a drop in the ocean and that I didnt own enough jewellery to pay off all the “nasty men” lurking in the background…would I have turned out differently had I not had a dad whose primary obsessions are horses and alcohol..would I have turned out differently had I actually had the money to pay for all those movies, pool games, hanging out at coffee places that all my friends seemed to be doing…would I have turned out differently if I didnt have to sell off my Economics text book after the semester was over in order to pool in for a gift for a friend as I simply didnt have the heart to ask my ma and I didnt want to sound like a prick by not contributing…would I have turned out differently if I didnt have to stand in queue along with other really poor girls in college waiting for scholarship money to be doled out and to be told that I didnt look poor at all…why was I denying a poor student the scholarship…would I have turned out differently if we didnt have to accept “gifts” of groceries that my aunt and uncle came and left at our place trying to be matter of fact about the whole thing…in moments of despair one good thing I have done is to think about people who had it worse than me…I’ve spent most of my time in the company of friends who’ve had it good….so all I need to do is to think of people who have it much worse…people on the road, people who’ve lost a parent, people who have no money for a meal or clothes on their back and feel privileged indeed.. What started out as a fairly happy post has turned out to be an unhappy ramble…reflecting the state of my mind over the past few days..for some reason I have been feeling fairly depressed… end up on a decently happy note..I was just given my “Sparkle” award…a quarterly recognition for outstanding achievement…i got a certificate and a very pretty crystal clock 🙂


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