God or…god???

I was just reading my earlier post…and I had written the word “God”. This kindled in me a childhood memory…of me writing something…an essay perhaps where I had written “god” rather than “God” with a capital G.

My teacher had corrected i, struck out my “god” and wrote “God”…my rebellious streak which now surfaces way too often reared its head then and I got mad…so what if I say “god”?? I meant absolutely no disrespect…im fairly God respecting..I don’t like the word fearing…I won’t even say religious….for my focus when I pray is God rather than my religion…so why did that small matter of the case of g matter??? So the next time too I stuck to “god” and was promptly ticked off for it…was in fact called up by the teacher and was given a mini lecture as to how I ought to show respect….I left it at that wisely for I didnt see the point of arguing with her…and I started writing “God” and now I do that very automatically…

But why is it that we need to show such external signs?? After my wedding my mangalsutra is the cause of so much trouble…both my mother and KT’s mother…are extremely particular that I wear it…now I love KT and he means the world and more to me….why do I need that thread to affirm this?? I find it uncomfortable and it porks me…why do I need to wear it??? A gold chain, bangles, a bindi….must wear things for a married woman…why??? When I dress up for a wedding or an occassion I like to wear them…but I don’t like to on a daily basis….and I don’t see the connection between being married and wearing them at all…KT’s ma wants me to wear a sari for the Saraswati puja tomorrow…now for some reason Saraswati is the closest I have to a “favourite” god (whoops God!!) and I pray especially hard on this day…I don’t know why I need to wear a sari to show that I am praying earnestly….I’d have the same devotion if I was in my shorts..I’m sure of that.

…and I’m sure God isnt judgemental and isnt going to differentiate between a person wearing a sari or shorts…

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