Tomorrow KT and I push of to Singapore and to the lovely beaches of Langkawi…so see you lovelies at the end of 10 days of lolling about in the sun (I know I sound like I’m from the North Pole!)..but yeah so regular programming’s going to be interrupted for a bit…so tata..see you soon!!!!
Been tagged by MM, the rules are: Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better. Now don’t forget to read the archived posts and leave comments.
Now considering that this blog is fairly new, there’s not too much material to link up, but I’m going to bend the rules a bit and link up more than one if I can find something!!
I’m going to juggle the order a bit and this one’s on “Me”…I think I like making lists!! This list is about five things that have shaped or altered my life, and here I rue about my “troubles” like big feet or bad hair!! And oh..this is a letter written to me by me..
KT….my rock…the category “KT” has the maximum number of posts…but here I’m putting up just one post that I guess sums it all…
I’m really surprised that I haven’t written anything that I can now link up under family and say that this one says it all…its there in bits and pieces, but this one was written when my brother and my grandmom were very sick and it explores our relationships..It’s very strange there’s nothing on my mom..need to remedy that soon.
Friends…here’s my most recent post on why I don’t have too many friends….that one should do!!
Finally the last open ended one….here’s my fave post on a monster manager I had…and writing this post gave me a lot of pleasure and the writing simply flowed!!
I tag Cee Kay
Chronicworrier (though the previous one is still pending!!)
and playing this in the true spirit, Unpredictable mystic, someone whose blog I read, but barely know and who is probably not even aware of my existence!!
MM asked a question on her blog, whether we still have a best friend, like the kinds we had in school…this kind of opened a floodgate of emotions and feelings in me and it came close on the heels of KT asking me why I didnt still cultivate and nurture friendships…
I had a ” best friend”, A, perhaps for the first time when I was around 11…this was a time when things were hunky dory for me…there werent too many worries in the world…I was only hassled about having to study, preferring to spend time reading, TV, music etc…we hung out all the time in school, went to the movies together (with our mommies and younger siblings in tow!)…and then I also became closer to another girl, D who is now the closest I have to a best friend today. It was a simpler life, a smaller town…
Moving to Madras opened me up to a whole new set of people…now even though I was from a smaller town, I wasnt too far behind in terms of mental compatibility with the people around me was perhaps even more advanced mentally than loads of people…it was no culture shock or any such thing…but the issue was that it was around this time that my world began disintegrating….
The official reason for our move was that my granddad had passed away and as it was to take care of him that we’d moved to the small town it was no longer necessary for us to remain there, plus my ma could get back to her job…I’m sure my mom knew that it wasnt just as straightforward as this, but yeah she had no idea how bad it really was…but me being still that trusting 14 year old had no reason to believe otherwise and was very happy to get out of there…the only things that I knew I’d miss were my friends..my school where I was this popular girl and our lovely house…well a bungalow is more like it…we had just finished building our dream home..where no expense was spared as this was the “lifetime investment”..we had lived there barely a year…
The rude shock we had was when we moved to this tiny grubby apartment..in a not so great neighbourhood….we had entered hell…Things began to slowly unravel…my ma started work, it wasnt even a full time job..paying a measly Rs 3000 per month…my dad’s income came in trickles…and then came his brainwave…he’d do a course in IT that would cost Rs 2 lakhs and as we didnt have money he’d sell off the house and use the funds to pay for the course and pay off the housing loans and stash away the rest…The course was paid for and abandoned, the debts remained and the stashing away became gambled away…and the daily drink became one too many drinks everyday…We were left with this: One alcoholic man with a serious gambing addiction, one woman with a degree that has very restricted scope for employment, the one option in Madras able to offer her a part time position that paid very little..two confused school going children…
This was the beginning of my withdrawal…I was very ashamed of inviting people into my house…I couldnt answer questions about my dad…where he worked, what he did, this was from my new circle…as regards the old circle..there were questions on what happened to our house, had we bought a new one, the obvious shock when people saw our place…it was traumatic to say the least..I still remember my birthday that year….how I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed…and I remember the look of helpless dismay on my mother’s face and the look of confusion on my little brother’s face…he had done some minor thing that triggered off my tears and couldnt understand why he had upset me so much…Deception was my way of handling all of this..harmless lies here and there to mask glaring gaps in our lives…I stayed away from people never letting them get close enough to ask personal questions…no money meant no outings, coffee with friends, parties, nice gifts, canteen treats, fancy music CDs, posters in the room, different kinds of nail polish…I ceased to be that regular teenager and instead morphed into a serious girl who was focussed on doing well in acads…went from one class to another…generally shone in school from that perspective…so I cultivated this image of this moderately cool girl who was good at her work…I was not the nerdy studious child, but was neither this uber cool girl…I found this middle ground somewhere and stayed there….so naturally there were no best friends…I kind of lost touch with A and slowly got closer to D, but never close enough to pour my heart out…But at this point I drew closer and closer to my mom…my mom was the only one who knew what was going on and we supported each other..giving each other strength and the moral support to carry on with life and put on a brave face in dealing with the blows life was dealing us..
Things worsened and my dad could still not keep off the races and he began borrowing in order to be able to gamble…when they reached very messy proportions my mom put her foot down and insisted that he check into rehab…At the rehab, there was a family counselling session and the counsellor asked me who my friends were and whether I shared stuff about our troubles with them…When I said no and that my mom was my only friend..she asked my mom to watch out for me because was giving too many glib rehearsed answers and that I was taking all of this worse than I was letting on…
College was a worse nightmare….worse than school because of the innate nature of friendships and the general hanging around that it involves..I could never afford the fancy clothes, accessories…the inequality was even more glaring here….so I fell back on my acads, my CA, my music practice and a lot of stuff that kept me occupied all the time…
Then I joined my internship and KT stumbled onto my life….he ripped apart my facade and made out that there was some demon that I was battling with…he even realised that I was playing a double game…I was outwardly this cool, confident, easy going performer…but deep down inside there was this insecure scared person..I found myself finally able to talk about my troubles to someone other than my immediate family and was really grateful for the support he gave me…he was able to offer me a shoulder to cry on..to bounce off ideas..to just listen when the going got tough…and finally we were people that had no secrets from each other…we had each other’s interests at heart…we were….best friends….For the first time in my life I knew what it was to have a best friend in the true sense of the word…that our relationship has moved on ahead and that we’re now married is another matter altogether…but we still remain best friends…the only really close friend for me at least…I cannot even begin to talk about how much I am grateful for his presence in my life…he has basically returned the sanity into my life, he is the calming factor in my highly panicky existence…
Things have largely stabilised money wise now…my dad still drinks and still gambles, but the fact that the money flows more freely lessens the blow….the number of issues we deal with has lessened…I am way more secure now, have come into my own, my identity is mine…the skeletons in my closet matter lesser and lesser now…but I find myself unable to mingle freely with people…there’s always that distance I maintain, I don’t find the need to friends to hang out with or spend time with..I’m happy with keeping to myself, being around KT, my mom, my brother….It’s become my nature now…the cloak that I used to wear, I can now not differentiate it with my own skin…I know I need to change…but really don’t know where to start….
9:46 am: Pliss let them win..pliss let them win…pliss let no more wickets fall…pliss…
1:00 pm: Turning out to be an extremely competetive lead..can swing either way..Don’t give RP and Ishant Sharma too much time…so I guess target’s going to be three sixty something….Laxman’s broken his bat!!
Yikes dropped!!! Laxman survives…why couldnt that MS Dhoni have stayed some more?? Or Sachin or Saurav??
Ow no RP’s facing Lee!! …and survived..phew..
I’m sure Tait’s confidence levels are super high now….he was supposed to be the man to watch out for this game…now he’s been ignored for most part of the innings and has been brought on to take on tail enders!!
50 partnership and 400 run lead!! Go RP!! Ow and he’s gone!!! Good work nevertheless!!
Another 2 minutes for Ishant Sharma to come in and go? Aaah..Laxman decides to go instead…
413 to win…sigh…
End of day, the Aussies are 65 for 2…tomorrow we will know!!
“I am the Devil that occasionally wears Prada”. Ewwwww..really why is Karan Johar so obnoxious and annoying? Got glimpses of Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham yesterday and nearly fell off my seat laughing at some of his nonsensical scenes an ideas..so here’s presenting the Top 5 idiotic scenes / moments / ideas from K Jo’s (how can he let people call him that!!) films. The boy is out of town and the mother has deserted me..I’m all alone at home..very boring TV..no books with me…so kindly excuse 🙂
5. Black beast: Remember the lame Black Beast joke from KANK…that was a movie I liked in pieces unlike practically the entire world that dissed it completely..this part was surely not something that I appreciated. It was extremely silly, immature and not even funny. Forget the childish concept even the way it was shot was unnessarily dramatic and embarrasing.
Interlude: Sorry for the interruption but as I type this and mindlessly surf channels, came across this on MTV…hold your breath…a “Flirt with Karan Johar contest”…seriously I’m not lying..
4. Kantaben and homophobia: Perhaps one of the first times a gay relationship was touched upon in mainstream cinema…and what a fine screw up it was. That useless voice over singing Kantaaben when she swoons over each time when she catches Shah Rukh Khan and Saif Ali Khan “doing bad stuff”, the Saif’s dad takes him to a strip club to “set him right” ..all of it probably would have been rib tickling 30 years back. Seriously.
3. “Its all about loving your parents”: With a by line like that I’m amazed that people actually went and watched that film in the theatre..
2. The cute I’m so smart kid: Someone ask that kid to shut up. Thankfully she hasnt been seen in the movies after that. The junior Anjali was such an annoying brat, a complete adigaprasangi, I use the Tamil word that describes her to the T. Since when did 8 year olds comprehend so much and want to play matchmaker for her dad…Such an unrealistic character..let me not start on the humour track featuring Johnny Lever and Farida Jalal please.
1. Jana Gana Mana: Muhahahahaha….the scene in K3G (again muahahaha)…where the anglicised kid does not sing Do Re Mi and instead along with his angrezi friends sings the Indian national anthem…muhahaha…had tears in my eyes after watching that…from too much laughing…there was even a controversy when the film released because people did not stand up when it played in the theatres. I’ve never seen anything more hollow and far fetched in a film..ever…muhahahaha!
You’ve Experienced 56% of Life
You have a good deal of life experience, about as much as someone in their late 20s.