Well I’m still neck deep in work…more and more seems to accumulate and I have a tag and a follow up post pending. But I’m doing neither and will instead write about an issue that has been simmering for a long time now and yesterday I was left fuming with the situation..
My friend D, the one I mentioned in passing earlier got married two years back. She a Tamilian met and fell in love with a Punjabi guy A. Complete recipie for disaster right from the word go..her parents were ok with the whole deal, his were not. They tried everything under the sun to stop the match..saying that she was too dark (I swear she is not, not like it matters but still), their horscopes don’t match, the astrologer said that A would die if they went ahead and got married, the marriage wouldnt last…every nasty thing possible was hurled at the poor girl. Now she is a perfect being, a senior from school, she was really someone I looked upto…she was really intelligent, excellent vocalist, great at sports, complete grace in handling herself..she was the complete package.
For about a year they kept yo yoing with the marriage thing…I tried talking her out of it for I don’t know what reason but I was really uncomfortable with her boyfriend. Finally they agreed and the wedding was fixed in lightening speed before A’s parents could change their minds and the wedding happened. A was working in Madras then and D was based out of Delhi in a job that involved extensive travel. A lived in with a room mate and D lived with her aunt in Delhi when she was there and her parents of course were in Madras. As the wedding took place really soon, they didnt have time to plan out how they were going to sort out their careers. So here they were married, headquartered in different cities and no clear plan as to what their future course of action would be. A’s parents fired the first salvo and said that they couldnt live in Madras…because she didn’t want her son to fall under any more evil Southie influences..so he had to find a new job…it made sense to choose Delhi because she was anyway working out of there. This though was fairly sick was still acceptable. Then came the bigger blow..no staying in D’s parents house when D was working out of her Madras office. Now A as I said earlier was living with a room mate..in a two bedroom house, with just one attached bathroom. So these newly weds lived with another guy in the house..in a room that had the bathroom attached to it…
Then there were digs and taunts, A’s dad never spoke to D…loads of bitchiness on the whole.
But they managed to sort out their jobs, both of them moving jobs based out of Gurgaon. There was an uneasy calm…but I could get a sense that A..who swore his undying love, who fought valiant battles against his parents was changing..bit by bit.
Now a fresh crisis has taken over. A’s sister has gotten herself a job in Gurgaon and is living with them. What’s the big deal you ask? Well the sister hates D (yeah a 25 year old), doesnt speak to her, doesnt do a spot of work in the house, wants to be lorded over, cooked for, driven around the place, won’t sit in the same table as D, will leave her used sanitary napkins lying around the place, basically causing hell for D. Now D has decided that enough is enough and refuses to put up with her anymore. She can’t get the sister out of the house, so she has decided switch jobs and move cities. A recently changed jobs so he cannot follow her. He cannot ask his sister to behave and he cannot ask her to get out..she earns a good salary and can for sure support herself. So D has found herslf a job in Bombay and A has told her that he can get a transfer in 6 months. So in the middle of salary negotiation and finding a place in Bombay I received a call from D.
She is not too sure she wants to move now. She is sure that she does not want to live under the same roof as A’s sister, but at the same time she has doubts….Those words sent a chill down my spine..I knew all was not rosy, but this?
“Pirichidivalonnu bayama irikku”
(Translated “I’ m scared they’d plot to separate us”)
These words have been echoing in my ears since yesterday. Here are highly educated people, people who have graduated from the cream of educational institutes in India, people working in top companies in the world. And the girl is scared of leaving her husband alone with his sister and perhaps parents because she is worried that they’d break up her marriage. I was too stunned to react to this and tried chiding her by telling her that A isnt a baby and is fully capable of making his decisions and holding his own..and she replied saying that I didn’t know how guys can change around their parents and family.
I mumbled something and ended the conversation there. My heart goes out to her…my first instinct was to think that if you can’t trust your husband enough to leave him around his family for six months, you’re better off without him..what kind of a marriage was this? But I really didnt want to say anything to her because I have spent a large part of my adult life telling my mother that she should have gotten a divorce early on in her life and always grew up thinking that if a guy were to hurt me in any way I was booting him out of my life, so much so my brother would joke that it would be a wonder if my marriage lasted 10 days…all this was before I met KT. All of this was playing in my head as I was talking to her and I wasnt sure if that instinct was resurfacing in me or whether I was thinking correctly, so I really didn’t want to say anything before examining my feelings.
Spoke to KT about it, now he has had very limited interaction with the two of them, we stayed one night with them in Gurgaon and needless to say D came out in flying colours in KT’s opinion and A flunked out miserably…the scene that played out there was right out of some 10 years ago…D cooking breakfast / lunch / juice , serving it to the great man who was sunning himself in the balcony reading his newspaper. Even KT felt queasy and offered to help. It was very very awkward to say the least.
When I told KT what she had told me, he reacted in the exact same manner as I did and wants me to tell her that she is better off without A. Now D doesn’t have any other friend as such and I’m the only one. I know I need to give her my honest views, tell her how I feel…but is this crossing the line? I for one am not candid with her regarding my problems, so is that guilt holding me back from telling her what I feel. Or is it not my business at all? Should I go ahead and tell her? Is she asking me in order to hear from another person what she fears? I am really torn and am not sure how I need to handle this..suggestions please..
Filed under: Angst, KT, Life, Question | 15 Comments »