I live on my own terms

Was travelling in an auto when this line came to my mind…I’m not sure where I read it, but I think someone (Suki was it you??) had given this entry to one of Chandni’s six word memoirs? I have to go and dig her archives to figure out if I’m right. But I remember it making a deep impression in my mind and I remember thinking if only that was possible….

Why can people not recognise that that’s all we want to do. We do not have any sinister ulterior motives in what we are trying to do. Why is it that the label of a daughter in law such a bad word. Invoking mistrust and second guessing. So much that you lose trust in your own son. I’ve always believed in being straight forward with people..if I don’t like to do something, I tell it to you to your face. Haven’t you seen that by now? I in fact have always earned a bad name, by being forthright and not sugar coating what I have to say. Fine. You have known me for just around 4 years now. Whatever happened to your belief in your very own baby?

Till very recently I always believed the concept of a really nice guy was a myth. I honestly believed that all men treated women as secondary and that all men expect their women to cook and clean, “listen” to them and of course rake in the moolah (ensuring that it was less than the man’s of course). And of course I found KT. And of late having read so many blogs, I have found that there are tons of nice guys who are very unlike the stereotype. Of course I still believe that the vast majority conform to the stereotype, but there are different men as well. But one thing I do realise in addition to this is that loads of these men have managed to lose the trust of their parents. Just because the man is in an equal marriage, this is interpreted as him disregarding his parents and becoming the wife’s slave. Sad isnt it?

And oh, we only want to make our own little home, me and KT. If I don’t want my inlaws around the place, I most certainly do not want my parents around either. Too much saas-bahu television methinks. The flip side of Ekta Kapoor (who is her Tamil equivalent? Radhika?) is that even honest, hard working daughters in law are given a bad name! I am unable to even be offended that you think I’m giving you the boot and conspiring to get my parents in, because I find the idea hilarious..Hahahahaha. And even if I suggested something as bizarre as this the very idea that KT would go along with it is even more laughable. Muhahahahahah. 

I am neck deep in work, both personal and official. But I just had to get this out of my system.  Feel better now funnily. 

Im closing comments on this one because I don’t want to turn this into a inlaw bashing forum. I just feel bad that KT and I have been so badly misunderstood. But oh if anyone recognises the title..do post a comment on it on another post perhaps?



So KT and I were talking on Sunday and I just mentioned to him that I wanted to go to Delhi for a bit..to do a bit of shopping for the pretty ethnic handicrafts, trinkets and because its location is so perfect to travel to so many places that I want to visit in Himachal Pradesh, Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh and Uttar Pradesh that I’m unable to do so because its so far off from Madras and would definitely entail more than a night’s travel.

Monday evening at 6 pm, I get a call from a manager in our Delhi office asking me to be there the next day.

And that’s how people I find myself in dusty Gurgaon for the next four days. Would love to explore Delhi (and not the idiot malls of Gurgaon). But I suspect I’m going to be holed up in this fancy glass building for most of my stay. Having assured people that I won’t venture out by myself in the night as Delhi is the Most Dangerous City in the World and that I would wear a sweater (!!) as it can get cold, I really don’t think I am going to get any time to do anything!


To the person who will never read this

Its funny to say it this way but if at all there is one person who can take credit for what I am today, its you.

I’ve never said that to you before and perhaps I never will say it the way I mean it. I’ve said it brusquely, very matter of fact. But I guess I’ve hugged you tight, held you close and hopefully that has conveyed the way I feel about you.

You’re one of the strongest people I know, you have kept me anchored, steadily guiding me. This is one of the few songs that I used to strum on the guitar and sing. Often with you. But now I can barely sing it. I tear up a few lines into it!! But yeah we can always do Edelweiss and Top of the World..

I think back at the times we’ve been through, the times we’ve despaired, you and I were always a team. (Yeah I will let the run-up to my wedding pass, put it down to temporary insanity on your part!) We still go through so many emotional upheavals, you try to insulate me from all of it, but it always shows through! Its so funny, the way I try to protect you and you try to protect me..from the same thing!

Shine on ma. You’re the bestest ma in the whole wide world.  Happy birthday and Happy Teachers Day. Love you.

(This was probably the most incoherent post I’ve written. But I’m rather overcome emotionally and that has clearly not fuelled my writing! Part II of the book post will come up soon!)