In which we resurface!!

Do you know the feeling of having a really good friend, someone you update on a really regular basis, practically real time, like everyday? And then something happens and you are unable to stay in touch for like a month, and so much has happened in the intervening period, so many thoughts that you have thought, so many feelings that you have felt? And when you meet again, there is this touch of awkwardness…of having so much to say, yet nothing because of that tiny wedge that has come in between, that tiny wedge called time? And yet you know when you start to talk it will flow? But you still try to postpone that meeting to try and push the awkwardness.

Its been ages since I wrote something here…quite like my real life avtar..my birthday came and went and I got a bunch of calls from my friends who all had this common complaint…asking me why I haven’t been in touch. How do I even begin to explain why I exhibit such anti social behaviour at times??

Truth be told I kind of shink into a shell when the going gets tough..I really hate to crib to people, feel their sympathy (or a feeling that I’m creating too much of a fuss). Well the fact is that there was nothing drastically wrong in my life..I’ve seen much worse..it was this general moroseness that overtook me..no major cause…but a few minor irritants. Apart from the irritation I felt about the workplace there was also a decision we were trying to make about moving to another country which was chewing my brain out. Oh and another thing I have to set right…we came back to Madras ages ago…I documented the Bangalore move but forgot to document the move back. The whole Bangalore jig didnt work out and we still have that house rented there..and we will soon be moving the stuff to Madras once house number 2 here is ready..we’ve been living with K’s parents all the while and will do so for a couple of months more.

Well the work situation is still bad in the sense that I’m not happy doing what I’m doing and I don’t like the people I’m working with, they’re the types who’d just take us for granted. On the other hand I have been promoted and the appraisal did go well..but the bottom line is I’m unhappy and I for sure need to make a move. And the decision to move abroad was also causing a lot of angst..and just like that we figured that we didnt want to move if we had to think so much to do it..even after thinking for two months we still werent sure…so we just dropped the plan just like that..

I’m much happier now, at least I know what is to be done and what I need to focus on..and the best part is that my fingers are flying across the keyboard typing out this post!! I’d felt kind of paralysed..there were a zillion thoughts in my head and the minute I’d open this page to type something out I’d freeze…I have 13 unfinished drafts…all of them the beginning of my “comeback” post..didnt get past a few lines in most of them!!

And you wonderful, wonderful guys!!! Thanks so much for continuously dropping in and checking in on me…it really means a lot to me and I promise I won’t disappear like this again!! Regular programming will commence soon!! Ta!!

100 Not out!

Can you believe I’ve made it to a hundred posts!?? This little tentative step that I started out late in September of 2007 has now grown into a fairly big obsession for me. I’ve loved the journey so far…it is so cathartic sometimes to just pour your heart out when words fail you conversationally.

Blogs and blogging was never really on my radar till around the beginning of January 2007…I mean I knew they existed, I knew about the whole blogging IIPM controversy, the blacking out of blogs by the Government and all that, but somehow I never read a single one let alone writing one. Then a colleague of mine sent me something written by Amit Varma and I really liked what he’d written and when were were talking about it, he told me that that was a blog and was wondering given the amount I read how I never read blogs? I hadnt even realised it was a blog, assumed it to be a piece of journalistic writing somewhere, then Amit became a daily fix for me..even then I hadnt moved on to other blogs..then one day Amit had linked up to one of Neha’s poems and bang that was enough to open the can of worms for me! Came across comments, blogrolls and got hooked on to so many blogs…went through archives and was simply amazed that every little person in the world can actually speak out if not to the whole world to a small audience!! Given my love for the written word it was only inevitable that I started writing my own blog, tentatively commenting at other people’s spaces…and then I started receiving comments on my blog, other than KT (who was of course coerced into commenting)! I was thoroughly zapped to find people reading my blog, consider this, my blog is neither one of those riot acts, the serious ones with witty lines on economics, politics or people’s world view (though I toyed with making my blog one of those!), I’m not even one of those “fast” types with plenty of sexcapades to regale an audience with, no short stories or fables, no cute baby stories nothing.  I am married, work hard at my job, do fun things when the time permits and by fun things I mean going on holidays, catching a movie and other blah stuff! This was just about my life..which at its rocking best is mundane….and can get dead boring very often…I mean I still don’t get what makes people come back here!! I know there are tons of “return visits” where people get obliged to comment thanks to my incessant commenting on their way more exciting lives, but for sure there are people who come to read me!!

I digress, but there is something I simply have to say at this point…I read loads of blogs, and I comment on many and would like to comment on many more…but I don’t. Now lack of time is not the excuse, I can spend 3 or 4 minutes reading a post, surely I can devote another couple of minutes in commenting…the thing is I do this more out of the office…and gmail and blogger are blocked out…with blogger its a little wierd, I can view the blog, but cannot comment. So I’m really sorry to a bunch of people that I read, I do try and leave a comment when I’m reading out of home, but it really isnt too frequent..but I read you regularly!!

Well now that that’s done, I find that I’ve become a much more social person, this kind of interaction is rarely there in the real life for me…no body knows the real me..here my soul is bared, I write what I feel, I don’t bother being politically correct, I need not couch my thoughts in more palatable language. So that kind of gives me the opportunity to understand myself that much more….I get feed back, criticism, support from people who are far removed from me in the real life..so they don’t bother being polictically correct as well..this is open honest communication at its best and for the first time in my life I am experiencing this (outside of KT of course with him though I always feel an element of bias creeps in and we tend to rationalise our actions when that happens).

Alright now I’m going to ask you to do something…well if you do this and make a wish it will be granted immediately, and if you don’t severe bad luck will be upon you and you will lose your love, money, happiness and everything that you hold dear and wait….the bad luck will haunt seven generations to come.

Now that you’re sufficiently scared, please leave a comment…and let me know where you’re from and what exactly it is that makes you come back here…I know its not like I get a thousand hits but even this has overwhelmed me…I see these dots that grow bigger in China and so many other places..now indulge me (or influenced by the threat)…go on don’t let me down!!

Happy 100 th post dear blog!