Experiments

So KT and I were watching this promotional show on NDTV for Dostana. A set a la Koffee with Karan, with Karan Johar playing interviewer / moderator, call it what you will and the cast of Dostana on the couches..they were having champagne though. It was largely entertaining, with the mandatory silliness from Priyanka and Karan. But man the guys were so witty and funny! Most of what they were saying cracked us up. That got KT and me talking later about how on earth Abhishek Bachchan ended up marrying that oh so silly, I’m so giggly Aishwarya Rai, I mean she’s gorgeous and all, but seriously how do they end up having any reasonable conversation.

Then K came up with this theory of a balance needed in the marriage, and it was better that one person is dumb and the other intelligent and that they won’t be fighting for every little thing like we do. We have these friends,  a couple where the guy is nice and brilliant and the girl seemingly has no mind of her own, I’m not saying she has no brains, but I’ve not really seen her use it. Its always open puppy like adoration that she has for him and he also takes very good care of her. They’ve been married happily for five years now.

So I asked him whether he’d have preferred me to be one of those dumb slave wives and he very smartly of course said that no just one of us needs to be dumb and that it could have even been him..a dumb slave husband to me! And then he came up with this experiment. Rules are as follows:

– Every alternative day we play dumb

– The person playing the smart one gets to take all the decisions as he / she is smart and is the only one capable of taking decisions, geddit? (Again very smart example for this that KT gave me was the PSP example. Now KT has been lusting after one for nearly a year. I’ve been vehemently opposed to it on two counts, one that I’ve already lost him to his Blackberry and we have a threesome going here, I really don’t want another person competing for our affection, both the Blackberry’s and mine. Two it costs Rs 8000 and that sounds like a totally expensive “other person”, when he can have these cheap one night stands from “I-am-bored.com”. So yeah now notice the tactical brilliance when he gives me the example, “On a day when I am dumb  and you say that I should not buy the PSP, I must listen” NOT “On a day when you are dumb, and I say I want the PSP, you must listen”

– No taking advantage of the person playing dumb

– No reversing the previous days decisions

– Being dumb does not equal being lazy (Here I tried to be a bit smart and failed. Well the friend I mentioned, she is not only dumb, she is also lazy..she has now given up her job, she also has a cook and maids and all..no kids too. So basically I really don’t know what plans she has for her time. And coming back to our little experiment, today is dumb day for me. So I told K that I’m not going to cook and he has to be in charge of the cooking and yeah that he needs to get the house cleaned up, do the laundry as well, keeping completely in line with the friend. And he not so gently reminded me that this was only dumb day and not be like friend day. Not fair i say. But the truth is here we have perfect balance actually. Not in terms of laziness but in terms of ability to do things. I am a complete morning so I am fresh and happy then and buzz around doing all the work. KT is a total zombie..and cannot even fix himself a cup of coffee. The night brings a completely different scene..I lose all my faculties by around 10 pm and KT is bright eyed and happy and is in charge of all the work in the night. So the only imbalance is in the intelligence levels!

Well so we start today and I am not betting on the success of this experiment! I love a good fight too much to let it pass by…may be one way of this working is if KT were to play dumb everyday..now that’s some thought huh?!

Going on 4 – II

And around this time..I said yes!

Going on 4

Today was the day KT proposed to me 4 years back.

Where do we go from here

“Although suburban trains on the Western and Central Railways and Harbour Line functioned as usual, some buses, taxis and autorickshaws were set on fire.” – From the CNN IBN report on the rampage that MNS party workers have been on post Raj Thackeray’s arrest.

Now I really have nothing new to say on what Mr Thackeray has been upto. But I was a bit taken aback by this line from the report..so matter of fact, yet another facet of the whole issue.

I was in Bombay when the four Dalits were killed in Khairlanji and there was a round of riots in various parts of Maharashtra following the killings. I was returning home as usual by train and it was past 10 30 pm when the train pulled into the Chembur station. There was a flurry of stones and slippers into the compartment. There were two other women in the women only first class compartment and I was talking to KT on the phone. We were jolted out of our wits and for the first time in my life I was witnessing the feeling of fear for my safety. Some men from the next compartment shouted at us to close the doors and we lugged the doors shut. Through the grills they told us that they would come into our compartment in the next station, in case the rioters tried to force themselves in and we meekly agreed. Gave a thoroughly scared KT a quick update and waited for the next station where the same thing happened. We were relatively safe in the locked train..but what if someone threw something that was burning..what if they forced entry…the possibilites were incredibly scary and another issue was that we were all due to get off a couple of stations later in Vashi..

Another station..more stones…and we began long journey across the bridge and I remember telling KT that I was going to hang up as I wanted to be unhindered if I had to run, but he wanted to know what exactly I was upto as he was really scared for my safety. But we figured it made more sense for me to be alert and ready..and I hung up as we rolled into the Vashi station…

An eerie calm greeted us..a far cry from the three stations we left behind behind the bridge. I guess the toll road was a deterrent for the rioters and they couldnt be bothered to pay up the charges. After giving KT an update, we stuck close to the men from the first class compartment and I reached the auto stand and it was quite clear that Vashi was untouched by the rioting. I reached home with my heart beating so hard, the brush with danger looming large.

And it struck me. This was relatively a minor incident, in comparison to Bombay in 1991, Gujarat in 2002, the bomb blasts that have happened..

And now we have reached the level of such matter of fact statements in news. And I really don’t know where we’re headed…

I live on my own terms

Was travelling in an auto when this line came to my mind…I’m not sure where I read it, but I think someone (Suki was it you??) had given this entry to one of Chandni’s six word memoirs? I have to go and dig her archives to figure out if I’m right. But I remember it making a deep impression in my mind and I remember thinking if only that was possible….

Why can people not recognise that that’s all we want to do. We do not have any sinister ulterior motives in what we are trying to do. Why is it that the label of a daughter in law such a bad word. Invoking mistrust and second guessing. So much that you lose trust in your own son. I’ve always believed in being straight forward with people..if I don’t like to do something, I tell it to you to your face. Haven’t you seen that by now? I in fact have always earned a bad name, by being forthright and not sugar coating what I have to say. Fine. You have known me for just around 4 years now. Whatever happened to your belief in your very own baby?

Till very recently I always believed the concept of a really nice guy was a myth. I honestly believed that all men treated women as secondary and that all men expect their women to cook and clean, “listen” to them and of course rake in the moolah (ensuring that it was less than the man’s of course). And of course I found KT. And of late having read so many blogs, I have found that there are tons of nice guys who are very unlike the stereotype. Of course I still believe that the vast majority conform to the stereotype, but there are different men as well. But one thing I do realise in addition to this is that loads of these men have managed to lose the trust of their parents. Just because the man is in an equal marriage, this is interpreted as him disregarding his parents and becoming the wife’s slave. Sad isnt it?

And oh, we only want to make our own little home, me and KT. If I don’t want my inlaws around the place, I most certainly do not want my parents around either. Too much saas-bahu television methinks. The flip side of Ekta Kapoor (who is her Tamil equivalent? Radhika?) is that even honest, hard working daughters in law are given a bad name! I am unable to even be offended that you think I’m giving you the boot and conspiring to get my parents in, because I find the idea hilarious..Hahahahaha. And even if I suggested something as bizarre as this the very idea that KT would go along with it is even more laughable. Muhahahahahah. 

I am neck deep in work, both personal and official. But I just had to get this out of my system.  Feel better now funnily. 

Im closing comments on this one because I don’t want to turn this into a inlaw bashing forum. I just feel bad that KT and I have been so badly misunderstood. But oh if anyone recognises the title..do post a comment on it on another post perhaps?

Meet the Veeps

This one’s for you baby!

I can’t think of a more deserving person than you! Congratulations on the promotion!! You know what is most remarkable about you? You really redefine inititative! Look at where you started off from and look at where you are!! I’ve never come across a second individual who decides what his/her role in the organisation is going to be..everyone just sticks to a given script and cribs when they realise that that’s not what they want to be doing…not you! You just start doing your own thing and stun the people around you making them wonder why they didnt think of it in the first place!

More power to you baby..here’s hoping all your wonderful dreams come true..I’m by your side…Love ya

Crazy little thing called life…and love

I nearly died when I was a six month old baby.

I was supposed to move to Zambia as a five year old, visas were done, the packing had begun..then my dad fell ill and came back to India because of lack of medical facilites which caused my parents to rethink our plans.

We moved from Madras to small town in Tamil Nadu, to settle down there forever, came back to Madras because of a whole host of circumstances

I never really made up my mind about whether I should choose to opt for the Science stream or Commerce in Class 11. Was to join a new school and opted for the Science stream because its much easier to move from Science to Commerce if I wanted to. Thought I screwed up my Physics board exam and that decided it, applied for the change and got it. When the results came out and there were long lines of students begging to be admitted into the Science stream the principal asked if I wanted to move back to Science..on a whim I decided not to.

The top most thing on my mind during college careerwise was to get an MBA from on of the top B schools. Out coaching faculty picked me out as one of the bright chances and I was given extra coaching much to the annoyance of my friends, but I don’t think I screwed up any exam as much as I screwed up CAT

As part of my CA back up plan I’d wanted desperately to join Arthur Anderson for my internship..only that would come anywhere close to not getting through an MBA..the unthinkable happened and the firm went bust.

Mired in a whole bunch of problems at home, I settled for the next best alternative and began plodding at my CA…asking the forces why everything was going wrong for me.

Had I died, well that would have been the end.

Had I moved to Zambia maybe life would have turned out a whole lot more different and better, all the nasty things that happened may not have.

Had I chosen to do Science like all my friends, I’d have completed my engineering and started a job by the time I had just about started my CA..

Had I gotten through CAT, well my life would have been made and I wouldn’t have suffered such a blow to my already fragile ego.

And hey what were the odds that a huge huge giant like Anderson would tank? Just like that? Well I had set my heart on it hadn’t I?

And then in that absolutely unlikely place that I had landed up in considering the turns my life could have taken I met you. Making the whole journey more than worth it.