Do you know the feeling of having a really good friend, someone you update on a really regular basis, practically real time, like everyday? And then something happens and you are unable to stay in touch for like a month, and so much has happened in the intervening period, so many thoughts that you have thought, so many feelings that you have felt? And when you meet again, there is this touch of awkwardness…of having so much to say, yet nothing because of that tiny wedge that has come in between, that tiny wedge called time? And yet you know when you start to talk it will flow? But you still try to postpone that meeting to try and push the awkwardness.
Its been ages since I wrote something here…quite like my real life avtar..my birthday came and went and I got a bunch of calls from my friends who all had this common complaint…asking me why I haven’t been in touch. How do I even begin to explain why I exhibit such anti social behaviour at times??
Truth be told I kind of shink into a shell when the going gets tough..I really hate to crib to people, feel their sympathy (or a feeling that I’m creating too much of a fuss). Well the fact is that there was nothing drastically wrong in my life..I’ve seen much worse..it was this general moroseness that overtook me..no major cause…but a few minor irritants. Apart from the irritation I felt about the workplace there was also a decision we were trying to make about moving to another country which was chewing my brain out. Oh and another thing I have to set right…we came back to Madras ages ago…I documented the Bangalore move but forgot to document the move back. The whole Bangalore jig didnt work out and we still have that house rented there..and we will soon be moving the stuff to Madras once house number 2 here is ready..we’ve been living with K’s parents all the while and will do so for a couple of months more.
Well the work situation is still bad in the sense that I’m not happy doing what I’m doing and I don’t like the people I’m working with, they’re the types who’d just take us for granted. On the other hand I have been promoted and the appraisal did go well..but the bottom line is I’m unhappy and I for sure need to make a move. And the decision to move abroad was also causing a lot of angst..and just like that we figured that we didnt want to move if we had to think so much to do it..even after thinking for two months we still werent sure…so we just dropped the plan just like that..
I’m much happier now, at least I know what is to be done and what I need to focus on..and the best part is that my fingers are flying across the keyboard typing out this post!! I’d felt kind of paralysed..there were a zillion thoughts in my head and the minute I’d open this page to type something out I’d freeze…I have 13 unfinished drafts…all of them the beginning of my “comeback” post..didnt get past a few lines in most of them!!
And you wonderful, wonderful guys!!! Thanks so much for continuously dropping in and checking in on me…it really means a lot to me and I promise I won’t disappear like this again!! Regular programming will commence soon!! Ta!!