I have hit the peak. Complete misery has taken over the system..choking me. All the stress I’ve been taking over the past two months have now culminated..what with the appraisals happening at work and the exam in less than a month. The Hong Kong trip too is proving to be this major pain, because so much has to be done before it. I am shocked at the way I’ve allowed these things to affect me so much. I need to rethink my way of living…really need to introspect.
I came home and cried my guts out last night after an appraisal. Its funny aint it that you spend 12-13 hours each day at work, work weekends and all to be flippantly told it is only expected and the quality of work isnt what I am capable of. Isnt it funny that the fact that I did really well last year is what is coming to bite me in the ass? I am told that I’m doing well but not as well as what was expected of me. Another girl was told that we’re only spending time like “labour” and no value add is there..wtf…what is it that they’re expecting. I’m thoroughly disillusioned.
I’m really sorry KT for upsetting you…was really unfair of me to pass on my personal troubles on to you…but yesterday was a real tipping point…I’ve never been subject to this before…my efforts being belittled. Sorry.
One thing that I am taking away from all of this is that I really need to toughen up…I’ve always thought I was one tough cookie…but yeah perhaps some more toughening up has to happen…its really not in my nature to fight back. Heard that others had one hour fights with the managers..don’t you think maintaining that dignified silence at times might just prove that you are classier..I really don’t know. Anyway…I am not going to stick around in office till 11 30 – 12 anymore. I do that and get only the minimum rating…I might as well leave early and get the rating right?
In any case this isnt the final verdict..the big boss is yet to pass his glorious judgements on the matter…so let me see how this pans out. But I really need to stop taking myself so seriously. In the five years that I’ve worked I’ve never heard such critisism or treated so flippantly..I guess I will learn how to handle this..and also not to invest so much emotionally into my work..need to take that chill pill..
I had actually resolved not to blog till the exam…but this post had to be written…My guess is that June will be a better month than May is turning out to be…